Men’s Talks

Married to a Woman That Changed Overnight

married to a woman that changed overnight

Tunji Ilori from Oyo state wrote:

I got married as a promising young man with a fairly good job in the telecoms industry. Life was good for us as a couple until I was forced to resign 12 years into marriage. Following heavy persuasion from my wife, I spent the bulk of my severance allowance on building a house in our village. I then invested the rest in starting a business. Unfortunately, the business failed in less than two years. Since then, my wife has been carrying the financial burden of the family and as a result, she has suddenly become unusually irritable, disrespecting and insulting me at every opportunity. She has forgotten the fact that I was the one who provided the initial funding and other necessary support for her business which has now become the major source of income for our family of four children. I am doing my best to ensure that I get back on track, even to the point of taking up odd jobs; but my wife does not even acknowledge my efforts. How do I win back her respect?



Dear Tunji,

Your situation is a painful one and you have taken the right step by asking for help. We’ll advise that you stay calm and don’t resort to any form of violence. Rather, continue to show your wife love. Even though you are no longer contributing to the family income as much as she is, make your contributions count all the same. Keep on doing the little that you can. True love is a commitment that is beyond emotions; so walking out of the marriage is not an option.

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Don’t relent in trying to get yourself back on track; and whilst doing that, explore new skills you can learn as well as other areas in which you can develop yourself. You should not also allow your wife’s attitude to discourage you from dropping the little you can afford for household maintenance and children’s upkeep. It’s the sincerity of your heart that matters in this regard, not your wife’s approval. God who sees your sincerity will eventually honour it by enabling you to have more, so you can give more. It’s a phase of your life, and no condition is permanent.

Do you have issues to which you would like us to proffer solutions? Please send your questions to man2man @ and we’ll get back to you accordingly.


Photo Credit: © Big Cheese Photo/Corbis

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