In this piece, our contributor shares some principles of a happy marriage.
Suppose you want to build a house, what is the first thing you will do? Won’t you sit down and figure out how much it will cost and if you have enough money to pay for it?
When it comes to building, the best approach is to plan before getting started. After deciding to build a house and consulting an architect to design it for you, the next thing is to consult a quantity surveyor – a cost expert – who will help you calculate the total cost to complete the house, taking into account the costs of materials, labour, equipment and every other thing needed for the project.
Knowing this will help you to know if you can afford to build the house and also help you to see how your money will be spent on the project. I would like you to bear it in mind that the cost is usually broken down into the different stages of the construction process.
There are so many uncompleted projects around today because many are ignorant of the total cost of completing the project and as soon as they start and continue with the project, they realise that they don’t have enough money to finance the project.
The same principles apply to relationship and marriage. Before you start a relationship and commit yourself to the marriage covenant, you need to count the cost and examine yourself to see if you have the spiritual, emotional and financial resources to sustain the relationship/marriage.
Just like the uncompleted projects, the reason for so many breakups and divorces today is the ignorance of what relationship/marriage entails and demands. The Good Book says that “My people are destroyed for lack of knowledge.” A lot of relationships and marriages have also been destroyed because of ignorance.
When some Pharisees came to question Jesus about marriage, he simply asked them, “Have you not read?” This implies that we are expected to read in order to understand what relationship and the marriage covenant entail.
Furthermore, we also need to get wisdom and understanding. Wisdom is very important in life. Building a successful relationship/marriage requires wisdom. Wisdom gives you direction in life. Get wisdom and never despise it.
It baffles me when I see people who are succeeding in their academics, career and ministry but are failing in their relationship/marriage. In my quest to know the cause of these failed relationships and marriages, I have discovered that many don’t pay attention to learning and acquiring knowledge about relationship/marriage like they do for their career and ministry.
Isn’t it surprising that some people can pay millions to study some professional courses in their chosen career even after spending about 12 to 15 years of learning from elementary class to university level, but these same people can’t pay a dime to learn and acquire knowledge about marriage and family life?
Some would even travel out of the country to study and attend business conferences for a career or business they will one day retire from, but they can’t even attend a marriage seminar that is free and close to them for a marriage they cannot retire from (Marriage is a lifetime commitment that lasts till death).
Dear friends, how many books do you have and have you read on relationship, marriage, and parenting? How many relationship conferences and marriage seminars have you attended? Reading books and attending relationship conferences and marriage seminars will help you to know the cost. It is like consulting the quantity surveyor in order to know the cost of your construction project. This will help you to know what relationship and marriage entail and demand, thereby counting the cost.
Finally, we would do well to heed the words of King Solomon who said, “A wise man is strong; yea, a man of knowledge increases strength. For by wise counsel you shall make your war: and in a multitude of counsellors there is safety.” Wisdom and knowledge make you strong. The wise counsels you get from books and marriage seminars make and keep you safe.
Just as honey from the comb is sweet on your tongue, knowledge and wisdom are good for your life. If you find them, then your future is secured, and what you hope for will not come to an end.
The good marriage, happy home and godly children you desire and hope for will come to pass when you seek wisdom and devote yourself to acquiring knowledge. My joy is to see marriages succeed and godly families raised. I so much believe that God will do it but we must count the cost.
Tunde Awoyele is a Love and Relationship Coach, a tireless advocate of godly relationship and sexual purity, a writer and a conference speaker.